I have returned, my brethren! My mission was a success! As I'm sure you're all well aware, I struck out in early to mid-December to find my way to the North Pole. While there, I helped Santa with some last minute preparations for his worldwide sleigh ride. Needless to say, much work was required, (and I was completely pooped!), but it was all worth it! Santa's operation went down without a hitch!
*Insert clap track #4 here*
Except for that incy weency incident above the African plains... What? No, I did press the "eject load" button on the main console back at the North Pole... Why would I go and do a thing like that...?
Shortly after I recuperated from the arduous task of downing as many cups of hot cocoa as I could... I mean, bossing around the elves, I decided, "Hey. If I'm going to go all out... I might as well go all out!"
With my new resolve, I made my way to the nearest pet store, bought 16 huskies, and started training for the Iditarod!
What? No, I'm not crazy. Just Insane. Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not? Ok, that's what I thought. Now sit down, and shut up. Thank you.
I've just now decided that I won't bore you with the details of "Me Vs. The Iditarod"... (Sounds like a book title... My autobiography, maybe?) Just realize that soon after setting out, I had HORRIBLE problems... And I gave up. Because I'm a quitter. What? Wait, no I'm not... But nevertheless, I quit. I sold all my dogs and beat a hasty retreat home. And here I am. Feeling like a complete and utter failure. Although... I guess I was pretty helpful with Santa and everything...